the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
