I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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