Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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