no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
