If that was your dad, he is hot
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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