...so i touched it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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