I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
