White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
