He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
