I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Houston, we have a blender
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
