My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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