chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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