You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
