Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
