The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
