I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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