You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
