You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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