What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
