in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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