I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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