So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
