I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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