Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
