He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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