U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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