THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
