Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
