how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
