Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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