They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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