when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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