He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
