cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
