I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
