listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
