Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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