Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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