If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
