Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
smell my finger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
