He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
