It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
