I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize