We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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