This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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