he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
