When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
