Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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