my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
