I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
