Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are the jesus of drinking
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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