I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
