If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
