Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
