Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
