I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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