I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
