well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
