the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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