She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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