"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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