New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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