I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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