Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
