recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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