I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
